Sometimes when we start a project there is a clear beginning and end. This is not one of those projects; this one appears to have no clear beginning, middle, or end. As you can imagine, that makes it very difficult to accomplish. So, with hope that God makes my path more clear, I jump in hoping to accomplish something good, something uplifting, something meaningful. For several months or perhaps longer I’ve felt like I should be involved in something more. I have a tendency to add more and more to my plate until I collapse, but this felt different. I felt like what I was doing as a wife and mother was enough, I had simplified my life until I was no longer “running faster than I had strength”, but it still felt like I was missing something. I kept having a story from Elder Renlund (an apostle of the Lord) come to my mind. It is from the April 2025 General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. In this talk Elder Renlund tells the story of Zusya .
“Zusya was a renowned teacher who began to fear as he approached death. His disciples asked, ‘Master, why do you tremble? You’ve lived a good life; surely God will grant you a great reward.’”
‘Zusya said: If God says to me, ‘Zusya, why were you not another Moses?’ I will say, ‘Because you didn’t give me the greatness of soul that you gave Moses.’ And if I stand before God and He says, ‘Zusya, why were you not another Solomon?’ I will say, ‘Because you didn’t give me the wisdom of Solomon.’ But, alas, what will I say if I stand before my Maker and he says, ‘Zusya, why were you not Zusya? Why were you not the man I gave you the capacity to be?’ Ah, that is why I tremble.”
‘Indeed, God will be disappointed if we do not rely upon the merits, mercy, and grace of the Savior to magnify the God-given abilities we have received. With His loving assistance, He expects us to become the best version of ourselves (Renlund, 2025).”
I imagined standing before God and being asked “Rachel why were you not Rachel? Why were you not the woman I gave you the capacity to be?” So I reflected on the abilities God had given me, I read my patriarchal blessing, and then I moved in the direction I felt I should go. And that is how I ended up here writing to whoever ends up reading this.
In Doctrine and Covenants section 25, Emma Smith is directed by God to “expound scriptures, and to exhort the church”. She is told that her “time shall be given to writing, and to learning much” and to “lay aside the things of this world, and seek for the things of a better” (Doctrine and Covenants 25:7-8,10). Although this section of Doctrine and Covenants was originally given as direction to Emma Smith, the Lord declares “this is my voice unto all” (Doctrine and Covenants 25:16). I hope to do as the Lord directs as I write my thoughts here.
I think I should make it clear that I am no scriptural expert. But, I do love the scriptures. I spent 18 months trying to share God’s word with others, and one of the biggest blessings of that time was that I gained a greater love and knowledge of God’s word. One of the first things we usually taught people first during my mission was that God is our loving Heavenly Father. That doctrinal truth has become imprinted on my heart. I know that God loves me. I have spent many hours finding and saving scriptures that show God’s love for His children, but perhaps what has been most influential to my testimony of God’s love are the experiences I’ve had of God’s hand in my life. From forgiveness of my mistakes, to comfort in difficult times, to answers to my prayers, I have seen and felt God’s love for me.
One of the greatest evidences of God’s love is that he sent his son to Earth to sacrifice his perfect life and suffer our sins so that we can be with our Heavenly Father again.
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.”
“In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him.”
God sent Jesus Christ to Earth knowing that he would be rejected by man and suffer for us.
“And the world, because of their iniquity, shall judge him to be a thing of naught; wherefore they scourge him, and he suffereth it; and they smite him, and he suffereth it. Yea, they spit upon him, and he suffereth it, because of his loving kindness and his long-suffering towards the children of men.”
“Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.
But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.”
Christ was the only one who could pay the price for our sins (2 Nephi 2:6-7). He not only took upon himself our sins, but he willingly chose to suffer our pains, afflictions, temptations, sicknesses, and weaknesses so that he could comfort and help us (Alma 7:11-13).
I am filled with awe and overwhelming gratitude as I think of Jesus taking all of the things I have suffered and struggled with upon himself and then lifting me up. I can’t possibly comprehend taking upon myself every sin, pain, affliction, temptation, sickness, and weakness the world has ever suffered even for a moment- some days I feel I can barely handle even one of my own. I know that God loves me. His son Jesus Christ loves me, and I will always be grateful for Him. God loves you. He sent his son for you. I know that is true, the Holy Ghost has testified of it to me and I have experienced these truths in my own life. I know that if you ask God in prayer if He loves you, He will answer you. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.